Jesus is a Lord of grace. He is grace. He is mercy itself in physical form he redeemed nothingness that is the depravity caused by sin.
We are depraved.
THERE IS, however, good news and that is that He saves us. You might be thinking- okayyyy glad for the reminder but I've heard that, I hear it all the time, and your blog is just telling me everything my pastor just sent out in his weekly email.
I'm writing this with tears running down my cheeks and honestly, a heart full of sin-filled bitterness. Maybe not bitterness, well yeah bitterness, and impatience. I am writing specifically to my fellow believers and brothers and sisters in Christ especially at our precious institution.
Coming home from watching the screening of Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, the documentary produced by Exodus Cry in order to unveil the reality that is super-successful sex slavery around the globe and here, I thought maybe I shouldn't have watched that.
Yeah, I was probably right. I just came off a REALLY long day of working super hard (cramming for a paper I didn't plan very well), nannying (taking care of a 7 year old oh my GOODNESS the difficulty), seeing the internship office to plan for my future, juggling housemates, lunch dates, responsibilities etc., I didn't really have the capacity. I remember this summer. I remember watching Sex and Money the first time. I remember what the scene of an empty playground looked like at the end and the question: Why are children thrown away?? I remember bursting into a flood of tears and cursing the world we live in. I remember begging to God for something, anything, to take this kind of deprivation away. The kind of deprivation that tells a father to violate his daughter, a bored middle-aged men to gain some one-night excitement out of physical and psychological exploitation. I can't handle this stuff at 9 at night, really. It's time for some Netflix and chocolate, homework if I'm feeling adventurous.
Here is where my logic was faulty. I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE not to watch this documentary. I don't have the choice not to pay attention to the injustice that revolves around us.
Correction. Actually, I do have a choice. That's the problem. The women, men, and children exploited by sex slavery don't have a choice and by luck and privilege, I do. If I wanted, I could stay home and online shop and never once consider babies left in darkness.
This is kind of a shame post. Sorry, brothers and sisters, for hating on us but I want to. I want to tell us, (me), not to complain about having to deal with difficult issues after a busy day. I want to tell us to please dear God stop using pornography to continue the exploitation.
Everyone is called into different ministry, and this may not be your call, but does it fricking matter? Honestly does it?
Does it?
You have technology. You can rent Nefarious. You can show it to your friends. You can support legislation that is supposed to combat this. You can pray.
What?
We can PRAY. We can PRAY. And we better start because I'm mad at us!! I'm mad at us for abusing children and listening to them cry while they experience abuse and still getting pleasure from it? STILL?!!? Crap what the heck happened from when God created us in his image and sin took us into this gigantic hole in the ground.
"He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though he is surrounded by light" (Dan. 2:22)
This is a post about bitterness. I'm bitter, dearest loved ones and friends, that we let this happen around us. If you're gonna get defensive, I don't give a frick. And no, bitterness doesn't work because Jesus wants us to be gracious with one another in love and he gives us the capacity to do it so I guess I'll start there.
Okay I'm pleading with you now. Let us pray more.
Please, let us pray more.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Miss Independent
Don't worry, I can do it. Thanks but no thanks. No seriously, you don't understand. I've been working out recently, with my friends actually, and so this is no problem for me. It might be difficult for YOU to carry 15 grocery bags of stuff at once but I am Iron Woman, hear me roar! haha. ah.. *stuff drops everywhere, in the snow, spills under the car, and causes us to be stuck in the freezing cold for 10 extra minutes because I am not really Iron Woman and needed your help and even though you offered I wouldn't take it*
That's what January has been.
Multiple people have said to me "You look so much happier (or rested, more settled, more confident) this semester. What's my temptation? To say "thanks!" and puff out my chest, stick my nose up in the air because I deserved that and strut away. The struggle to be perfect is a real one, obviously, and so once someone has finally reached the point of perfection you should probably congratulate them because it was a long road to get there.
I just got hired for a new job, I'm entering more leadership positions, career services said my life was on track, and I started getting to places on time (mostly). This seems like good enough reason to be 1000% awesome now. I get ready in the morning, spend adequate time with my friends, and even get studying done. What can't I do??
Anything. I can't do anything. Why I was inspired to write this blog for you is because I can't do it. I actually can't do this at all. Let me tell you one thing, friend. It is God. It is just God.
My heart seems so faint sometimes. I did the whole- trying to jam memories and hopes and lost dreams into a huge box and then bury it in the closet of my psyche blahblah blahhh and it DIDN'T WORK. IT DIDN'T FRICKING WORK. I still struggle with the same stuff and the same wants and sorrow over the same broken relationships. It didn't matter that I had a semi-functional task list and a resume that doesn't suck wanna know why??? We are so much more than that.
There's some people around I don't like. That's just the truth. They just exist and some for very legitimate reasons. This is a weakness I am talking about. It took one time of class worship for me to see this in the most meaningful way. I was by myself, standing up on a ledge in Pierce chapel when God decided to strike me with a cord of spiritual lightning and wake me up. From under the Detroit hat I was literally hiding under, I saw them. God' beloved child I had decided to hate on since freshman year. And as many of you may know, God doesn't appreciate it very much when you hate on his kids. He is the ultimate protector, after all, and I don't believe that if you pray to him to be a lover he will let you continue to judge and minimize those he created for incredible futures and stories. He just said to me, "Do you even know? Do you even know where they came from? Their home? Their parents? Likes? Dislikes? Do you see the gorgeous plans I have laid out for my child? Why I love them so so much? What very DNA I have designed and placed in them in a way that brings me glory every time it comes out. What's my child's favorite drink at Starbucks, Anna. You don't know how beautiful they are to me." Tears came to my eyes and I told him I was sorry. Forgive me, Father. I don't know what I do. And GUESS. WHAT. (I'm tempted to say and then my heart grew 3 sizes that day but I'm not really the ultimate judge of that and I'm also not green and hairy thank God). He brought that person into my life. In the most hilarious, immediate, wonderful, and intimate way. He's hilarious! He's hilarious because it was beyond my wildest dreams. And just think. It was just because he didn't want to fail his beloved child, them, and his beloved child, me. It was just him.
There have been multiple examples of things like this happening this year. Times when a little bit of prayer and a lot of heartache was met with incredible, creative restoration.
I'd like to say I can do it myself. I'd love to say that I am the relationship queen and so smart that everyone I know is just confounded by my encouraging presence. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I am not Iron Woman *gasp* and can't carry all of life's needs by myself. I need extra arms. I need help. I need lightning bolts of spiritual awakening that distract me from sin only because the offered love is so much brighter in comparison.
Do you know what it's like to be so in love, or so jolted with humor, or so excited that you can't stop a smile from spreading across your face? That happened to me! Actually happened, to the point that I looked like a complete goon walking from my car to my house. That is the kind of beautiful our God comes up with when he blesses us. Late night conversations, random provisions, and enlightenment from those I least expected have given me incredible amounts of joy this ugly winter coming.
I can't do it on my own, thank God.
That's what January has been.
Multiple people have said to me "You look so much happier (or rested, more settled, more confident) this semester. What's my temptation? To say "thanks!" and puff out my chest, stick my nose up in the air because I deserved that and strut away. The struggle to be perfect is a real one, obviously, and so once someone has finally reached the point of perfection you should probably congratulate them because it was a long road to get there.
I just got hired for a new job, I'm entering more leadership positions, career services said my life was on track, and I started getting to places on time (mostly). This seems like good enough reason to be 1000% awesome now. I get ready in the morning, spend adequate time with my friends, and even get studying done. What can't I do??
Anything. I can't do anything. Why I was inspired to write this blog for you is because I can't do it. I actually can't do this at all. Let me tell you one thing, friend. It is God. It is just God.
My heart seems so faint sometimes. I did the whole- trying to jam memories and hopes and lost dreams into a huge box and then bury it in the closet of my psyche blahblah blahhh and it DIDN'T WORK. IT DIDN'T FRICKING WORK. I still struggle with the same stuff and the same wants and sorrow over the same broken relationships. It didn't matter that I had a semi-functional task list and a resume that doesn't suck wanna know why??? We are so much more than that.
There's some people around I don't like. That's just the truth. They just exist and some for very legitimate reasons. This is a weakness I am talking about. It took one time of class worship for me to see this in the most meaningful way. I was by myself, standing up on a ledge in Pierce chapel when God decided to strike me with a cord of spiritual lightning and wake me up. From under the Detroit hat I was literally hiding under, I saw them. God' beloved child I had decided to hate on since freshman year. And as many of you may know, God doesn't appreciate it very much when you hate on his kids. He is the ultimate protector, after all, and I don't believe that if you pray to him to be a lover he will let you continue to judge and minimize those he created for incredible futures and stories. He just said to me, "Do you even know? Do you even know where they came from? Their home? Their parents? Likes? Dislikes? Do you see the gorgeous plans I have laid out for my child? Why I love them so so much? What very DNA I have designed and placed in them in a way that brings me glory every time it comes out. What's my child's favorite drink at Starbucks, Anna. You don't know how beautiful they are to me." Tears came to my eyes and I told him I was sorry. Forgive me, Father. I don't know what I do. And GUESS. WHAT. (I'm tempted to say and then my heart grew 3 sizes that day but I'm not really the ultimate judge of that and I'm also not green and hairy thank God). He brought that person into my life. In the most hilarious, immediate, wonderful, and intimate way. He's hilarious! He's hilarious because it was beyond my wildest dreams. And just think. It was just because he didn't want to fail his beloved child, them, and his beloved child, me. It was just him.
There have been multiple examples of things like this happening this year. Times when a little bit of prayer and a lot of heartache was met with incredible, creative restoration.
I'd like to say I can do it myself. I'd love to say that I am the relationship queen and so smart that everyone I know is just confounded by my encouraging presence. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I am not Iron Woman *gasp* and can't carry all of life's needs by myself. I need extra arms. I need help. I need lightning bolts of spiritual awakening that distract me from sin only because the offered love is so much brighter in comparison.
Do you know what it's like to be so in love, or so jolted with humor, or so excited that you can't stop a smile from spreading across your face? That happened to me! Actually happened, to the point that I looked like a complete goon walking from my car to my house. That is the kind of beautiful our God comes up with when he blesses us. Late night conversations, random provisions, and enlightenment from those I least expected have given me incredible amounts of joy this ugly winter coming.
I can't do it on my own, thank God.
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