We have to figure these things out.
Today was one of those days when I felt as if my definitions meant nothing. Sometimes life just... goes and you don't have time to figure out if your predictions were accurate. I'm a kid who likes to think and who likes to be able to anticipate certain outcomes. In New York, however, you learn to expect the unexpected.
Our assignment for the afternoon, and for days before this one, was to recruit kids from the neighborhood to come to our day camp. First of all, this is difficult for me to even imagine because in Suburbia when someone offers you anything with the word "FREE", it is most definitely a scam. I had to get over the initial shock of being in a community where people considered accepting what you offer. Secondly, the South Bronx is not exactly land of the blondes. This is wonderful because God made people of all kinds, shapes, and colors and they're all gorgeous. But if you know nothing about a culture, and your looks already make people assume you know nothing? Guess what, the game is up. Just being in that neighborhood makes me extremely humble. I have to rely on my teammates, and rely on God to help me not accidentally be a jerk to people just because I don't know how a community functions. I also have to rely on him for safety because this place isn't the safest.
Back to day camp. Perspective comes to you real fast when a father wants to sign his kid up for summer camp but gets a worried look when it comes with a $35 transportation fee. He doesn't have $35 to put on the table this afternoon. Even more perspective comes when our wonderful staff member just smiles back and says "Oh don't worry then, it'll be covered."
This staff member, and everything this organization and camp is giving to the community in the South Bronx is amazing. Safety. I mean safety.
Honestly, to hear her say those words "it'll be covered", or however she said it... my mind and heart were really touched. So blessed to know that this camp can be provided for families at no cost, which is exactly like grace we're given every day. Free. Free and safe. That is literally the ideal.
Speaking of things we don't deserve. Last night we had to share an object that represents us in our team family time. I usually don't look forward to these because I feel reduced when I'm limited to an object for description and blah blah blah blah. (I know, I even annoy myself.) Anyway. I ended up talking about my ring. This gift was given to me by my family for my 16th birthday. They most likely don't know what this ring ended up meaning to me but last night I really enjoyed being able to brag about them and the great gifts God gives us.
October 1993. I was born. (Didn't that sound so dramatic?!) The point is that I didn't choose my family. My preference and control had no place in this beginning, and I had no ability to choose what kind of people my parents would be. To this day I am in speechless when I think of how blessed I am to come from people like them. Servants of other people, followers of Christ, continually supportive of myself and my brother, sacrificial learners... I swear, I better make something out of my life because I owe a lot to Christ who gave me everything, including beautiful love like the love that's in my family. We're not perfect obviously, and that kind of goes without saying. But each day I am so blessed to be loved, and to love, people like them.
For this reason, among others, I'm compelled to do something. Don't you ever feel like you just have to do something? Like you could sit in comfort for a while and potentially be fine but you actually feel motivated to do MORE?! Guess what?!?! You can.
Love a kid who doesn't get advice from his family. Buy chocolate that's fair trade because let's be honest, fair trade chocolate tastes AMAZING and why do you even care if your chocolate brand changes? It's still great! Encourage people to talk about their life stories because we don't know everything and can learn more! And also, you're not Jesus! And neither am I! So we have a boat load of things to do!!!
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I'm tired. I'm really really tired because of what I see everyday and because of what you see everyday and because I'm trying to reconcile it all somehow. I heard a story today about college campus hazing that broke me to emotional pieces and that was around 10:30 am.Today was a day about learning how to talk to God because I laid on my bed and gave up. Dear Lord, I can't.
Dear Lord God, I can't but you can. We try but we fail. We strive but we lose. Thank you for having more for us than what we choose for ourselves. Thank you for being bigger than exploitation and for abiding with those who struggle every day. Please give us wisdom enough to hear you call and follow it sacrificially. I am selfish and need to be drawn to your love, oh God, in order to believe that what you say is truth.
We long for truth and hope.
Thank you for another day, and for 93 degrees because I appreciate the breeze more later. haha.
Goodnight everyone.
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